Chris ja minä köpöttelimme läheiseen kauppakeskukseen äänestämään - minä annoin ääneni ties kuinka monetta, Chris taas Suomessa ensimmäistä kertaa. Raapustimme numerot lappuihin, sitten kävimme ostamassa minulle joogamaton ja Chrisille kunnollisen pöytävalaisimen. Ison hypermarketin parsanippu oli ihan hiton paljon halvempaa (2,98 euroa) kuin lähikauppamme vastaava (6,99 euroa). Ostettiin sitten sitä edullisempaa, ja kun kerran oltiin törsäystuulella, tuhlasimme rahaa myös isoon loimulohipalaan. Kotimatkalla puhuimme ruoasta ja ruokailutottumuksistamme ja päätimme sen sadannen kerran syödä vähemmän sokeria. Luin jokunen aika sitten lehtijutun sokerin kauheuksista, ja jos totta puhutaan, olen jo jonkin aikaa epäillyt eläväni sokerikoukussa. Syön karkkia melkein joka päivä, mikä ei mitenkään ole minulle hyväksi. Kotona haudutimme vihreää teetä ja tunsin samoin tein eläväni terveellisemmin. Meillä ei ole kaapeissa grammaakaan suklaata tai keksejä. Pelottaa, ja uskon olevani täysin kierteellä jo myöhemmin tänä iltana. Veikkaan, että loimulohi ei sillä hetkellä kauheasti lohduta. (Pistän toivoni parsaan ja poppareihin.)
Äänestyskuteiksi valitsin Brunon iltakirppikseltä parilla hassulla eurolla ostamani hauskan villa-kasmirneuletakin ja vuosia sitten Hietsun kirppikseltä bongaamani vihreän leopardikarvahameen, jota jaksan rakastaa ihan yhtä paljon nyt kuin silloin joskus. Hameessa oli ostohetkellä pientä vikaa (halkion sauma oli vähän antanut periksi) ja yritin tingata hintaa kympistä alaspäin. Myyjä ei suostunut ja jonkin sortin ärsyyntyneen pähkäilyn jälkeen maksoin hameesta pyydetyn hinnan. Nykyisin en muuten juurikaan tingi kirppiksellä. En kehtaa. Hyvät vaatteet ovat kirpparilla naurettavan halpoja jo valmiiksi.
Aurinko alkoi paistaa vasta myöhemmin iltapäivällä. Valo paljastaa järjettömän likaiset ikkunat ja nurkissa pyörivät pölypallerot, vaikka juurihan minä vasta imuroin. Yritän lukea kirjaa, mutten jaksa keskittyä. Ajatukseni ovat nykyisin kiinni kovin konkreettisissa asioissa: kissan märässä nenänpäässä, mattoon piirtyvässä valokiilassa, onko meillä maitoa jotta voin tehdä perunamuusia. En jaksa olla kovinkaan syvällinen. Joskus pinnalla on helpompi hengittää.
It's the municipal election time in Finland, and Chris and I trekked to our local pre-voting place to cast our votes: me for what feels like a hundredth time, but Chris got to vote in Finland for the first time ever. We voted, then bought me a new yoga mat (my old one went missing) and for Chris, a new desk lamp. We wandered through the aisles of a hypermarket where a bunch of asparagus was much cheaper (2,98 euros) than at our nearby grocery store (6,99 euros). We bought the affordable asparagus and splurged on a big chunk of flame-grilled salmon. On our way home we talked about our eating habits and recognized, like we've done before, that we eat too much sugar. I recently read a scary article about the dangers of sugar and felt a sting in my heart. I eat candy almost every day, and it is not good for me. We decided to do better. At home we brewed some green tea and I felt healthier already. We have no chocolate or cookies in the house. I am scared, because I have a bad feeling that come tonight, I'll be bouncing off the walls with my sugar cravings. I am not sure the flame-grilled salmon will satisfy me at that point. I put my hopes on asparagus, and perhaps, popcorn.
My voting outfit is all second hand: I bought the cute wool-cashmere cardigan for 3 euros at a flea market not so long ago. The green, fuzzy leopard print skirt is an oldie: I bought it at another flea market years and years ago. I remember trying to get the seller to sell it for less - the skirt had a seam that had come undone a little bit - but she stuck to her guns and I eventually paid her the ten euros she wanted for the skirt. I don't haggle at flea markets anymore. I feel like good quality clothes are being sold for such low prices that I just don't have it in me to haggle.
The sun began to shine only later in the afternoon. The light brutally penetrated our apartment and pinpointed our dirty windows and dusty corners, even though I just vacuumed a few days ago. I tried to read a book but couldn't concentrate. I find that my mind is focused on very practical things these days: a cat's wet nose, a ray of sun casting light on an oriental rug, do we have milk so that I can make mashed potatoes later. I don't feel particularly deep these days. Perhaps it's easier to breathe on the surface.
Ihana asu - täydellinen pari!
ReplyDeleteJoo, mulla on vähän samanmoinen meininki ton pinnalla hengittelyn suhteen. Liittyyköhän se jotenkin kevääseen ja ärsykkeiden määrän lisääntymiseen tai johonkin, kun lyhyempikestoinen ajattelu, lukeminen, mikä tahansa, tuntuu helpommalta ja jopa antoisammalta...
No äh, mä luen sun blogipostauksia ajatellen, että kappas kun siskolla on _pikkuisen_ vilkkaampi sisäinen maailma kuin itselläni... Mä siis ihan oikeesti ajattelen vaan tyyliin sitä, että onko mulla maitoa jääkaapissa. :D
DeleteWhen I have such moments of lack of depth like you describe (which happen to me so much more often when the demands of motherhood are high, which is most of the time now with a toddler) I am very hard on myself. Low self esteem and lack of validation and all sort of problems resurface and I tend to spiral into depression and self loathing. But rationally I know I should allow myself such moments that are less than hyper-intellectual—they are needed for balance and to keep me sane(ish).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it's a dark, rainy day and I am on the verge of tears every five minutes for one reason or another. I so need a little bit of sun!
And I don't think that sugar is all that bad for you. I mean, sure, it's not the greatest thing in the world, but it can't be the killer it's made out to be. From what I've read only an excessive amount of added sugar (like 18 teaspoons) becomes detrimental to health, although the recommendation is no more than 12 teaspoons per day. I don't know. The science gets updated every year, but I think we can still get those few pieces of chocolate in and not feel all that guilty. Why does every small pleasure have to come associated with so much guilt?
Like I said, dark, rainy, cold day over here, I am sleep deprived and I don't want to be denied my chocolate too :-)
I know what you mean re: being hard on oneself in shallow times! It took me a year of therapy to learn to appreciate the shallow moments and to sometimes purposefully find and lean into them when I need to unwind. It's exhausting to always reflect, analyze or feel more than what you are capable of feeling any given moment. And if it makes me shallow or superficial that given moment... so be it! It's all for the greater good. :)
DeleteThe sugar thing is a tough one. I really, really eat too much of it. There is a lot of sugar in processed foods like flavored yogurts (up to the equivalent of 6-7 sugar cubes per container), cereal, condiments, juices... And I do eat an awful lot of candy and baked goods, in part because people keep bringing them to work because of birthdays and occasions like that, and I can't resist. I am not going to cut all sugar out, but I need to severely cut down, both in terms of candy and sweets, but also processed foods that I eat too much of because I am lazy... I'll allow myself leeway with dark chocolate, because that's supposed to be good for you. ;)
Your outfit is lovely! Springlike but cosy too I bet. We have high winds today and threat of snow/freezing rain. Brave snowdrops are up -- Laura
ReplyDeleteI also just stocked up on dark chocolate but I wish the vending machine at work didn't have Peanut Chews - which are all sugary chocolate and also vegan. I have to cut down as well and it's been a real work in progress. And by that I mean mostly a failure. *womp womp*
ReplyDeleteI am trying to do a mix of zoning-out things and "real" things because I think my brain just needs that space. I've been really stressed out about our political situation and how much can be done at the grassroots level and that is really tilting my cosmology towards a greedy and mean world vs a world of checks and balances (happiness and suffering).