Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Vaikutelmia / Appearances


Päivänä muutamana juttelin siskon kanssa kaksi tuntia puhelimessa. Puhuimme kaikenlaisista asioista, muun muassa siitä, että lähiaikojen blogipostausteni perusteella voisi luulla, että pidän maalla asumisesta ihan tosissani. Niinhän sitä tosiaan voisi kuvitella.

Totuus on, että enhän minä maalla asumista mitenkään inhoa. Minä vain kaipaan kaupunkiin, kaipaan paljon. Blogitekstieni perusteella sellaista kuvaa tuskin saa, koska keskityn kuvaamaan kauniita maalaismaisemia ja onnellisia kissoja, kirjoitan hätkähdyttävistä luonnonilmiöistä ja leivinuunin lämmöstä. En viitsi avautua täällä liikoja työpaikan haastavista kuvioista tai maaseutumentaliteetista, jonka vuoksi koen täällä päivittäin olevani täysin ulkopuolinen. Eihän blogissa tarvitse pyykkikasoja tai pölypalleroitakaan kuvata. Blogit esittelevät valikoitua todellisuutta.

Yhä useammin törmää blogeihin, joiden teema on valittu kovin tarkasti: porukka bloggaa vain muodista, vain sisustuksesta, vain ruoasta, teknologiasta, politiikasta, milloin mistäkin. Blogien aihepiirit ovat yhä tarkemmin rajattuja. Yhä useampi bloggaaja saa myös bloggaamisesta palkkaa. En tiedä, onko kyse kaupallistumisesta vain mistä, mutta minusta usein tuntuu siltä, että on tullut yhä vaikeammaksi tunnistaa minkäänlaista ihmisyyttä blogien takaa. Esimerkiksi isot muotiblogit näyttävätkin kaikki samalta: samat fontit, samat valkoiset taustat, samanoloiset kuvat, samat vaatteet ja leikkokukat ja tyylit. Ihmisillä on omilla kasvoillaan yhä vähemmän mitään merkityksellistä sanottavaa. Mielipiteitä ehkä huudellaan netissä anonyymina, mutta inhimilliset tunteet ja ajatukset piilotetaan jonnekin kuvailotulituksen, shokkiuutisten klikkailujen ja liibalaaban välimaastoon. Sirpaloituneen sekamelskan keskeltä on vaikea löytää ihmistä. On vaikea löytää aidosti koskettavaa, inhimillistä, mielenkiintoista luettavaa.

Joskus oma, varsin rajallinen nettipersoonani ahdistaa minua. Jokunen viikko sitten olin nettimarkkinointia ja brändäämistä koskevassa seminaarissa, jonka pääpuhuja oli ihan aidosti sitä mieltä, ettei ihminen ole oikeastaan edes olemassa ilman Instagramia. Twiittaa niinkuin henkesi riippuisi siitä! Jokainen itseäänkunnioittava ihminen on LinkedInissä! Minun teki mieli ryömiä johonkin luolaan. Netissä jaetaan niin paljon kaikkea - kuvia asuistamme ja ruoistamme, mielipiteitä politiikasta ja höpöhöpöstä, erilaisia verkostoja, kuvauksia vatsaflunssan oireista ja vauvojen kakasta - että välillä minusta tuntuu siltä, että kaikki se epämääräinen sälä netissä muodostaa jonkinlaisen ihmeellisen varjoihmiskunnan, josta ei oikein saa kiinni. Tuo varjomaailma ei näytä eikä tunnu miltään, vaikka se postaisi itsestään miljardi kuvaa. Mitä enemmän jaamme, sitä enemmän me kaikki oikeastaan näytämme ja kuulostamme samalta. Joku tyyppi kuvaa ja jakaa sushinsa, salaattinsa, burgerinsa, jälkkärikakkunsa, skumppalasinsa, vihersmoothiensa... ja minusta tuntuu siltä, kuin olisin itsekin syönyt ja juonut ne samat ruoat ja litkut, osana kaikkea tätä hemmetin jakamista. Oman jakamiseni kylkiäisenä syntyy tämän oman blogini omituinen vaihtoehtomaailma, jossa minä muun muassa rakastan maalla asumista ehdotta, jossa kaikki kissamme ovat aina terveitä ja onnellisia, jossa leivinuunimme on aina lämmin, ja jossa minä en jostain kumman syystä luuhaakaan kotona verkkareissa. Pics or it didn't happen.

Ehkä tällaisista oudoista palikoista rakentuu uusi post-post-moderni ihmisyys. Silpusta ja sirpaleista koostuu joku vieras, kuitenkin oudon tutun oloinen kollektiivi, josta valtava osa ikävistä kokemuksista on karsittu kokonaan pois, joku puolittainen todellisuus, jossa on paljon muttei oikeastaan mitään, joku Tahraton Mieli. Sisään pääset, mutta ulospääsystä ei ole tietoakaan.

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The other day I spent two hours on the phone with my sister. We talked about, among many other things, my recent blog posts, and about this one in particular. "One might think that you're quite enjoying your life in the countryside", my sister said. Oh, appearances, appearances.

Truth be told, it's not that I don't like living here. It's that I miss living in the city, that's all. But I guess my ambivalent feelings regarding the countryside don't always translate to my readers, who only get to see pictures of beautiful landscapes and perfectly happy cats, or to read my descriptions of otherworldly natural phenomena or special moments. Not that I feel that there needs to be full disclosure. Blogs only portray chosen, constructed glimpses into someone's reality. 

As more and more bloggers either choose only a very narrow sliver of their lives to share with their readers (be it fashion, interior design, food, politics, or technology) or become paid professional bloggers, the less I feel like I recognize any real people behind blogs. All big fashion blogs look the same to me, and I sometimes feel that bloggers no longer express themselves quite as freely as they perhaps once did. It's tough to find any mainstream blogs that really make you feel something. As much as people share online these days, real people stay mostly hidden.

I sometimes struggle with the thought of having an online persona, despite the fact that mine consists of only a personal Facebook profile, a work-related one, and this blog. I recently sat through a seminar about branding one's business (or person). "If you are not on Instagram, you don't exist! Tweet as if your life depended on it! Everyone worth anything is on LinkedIn!", the speaker said, and my immediate reaction was to go hide under a rock. There is so much sharing of ourselves, be it pictures of our meals or our clothing, random rantings regarding our political views, descriptions of our stomach flu or our children's diarrhea, or endless quests for networking and connecting, that I sometimes feel that we all just... meld together, into one gigantic mass of strangely non-descriptive, unreachable faux-people. It's almost as if the more we share, the more we become the very same thing. We photograph our sushi meals, our salads, our burgers, our cakes, our popcorn, our pizzas, our home made breads, our smoothies. And even if I'm not the one taking the photos, it's almost as if I, as a member of the same online civilization, am eating all that stuff too. It's a strange shadow world where appearances become an alternate reality, where everything is based on sharing. When it comes to this blog, my sharing creates an alternative reality where I love living in the countryside unconditionally, where our cats are always healthy, where for some strange reason I never wear sweatpants at home. Pics or it didn't happen.

Perhaps that's just the way it is now, the way of the world, the way of post-post-modern humanity. It's a shredded and put-together-again existence, strangely alien, but all familiar, sad and unpleasant memories erased, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. You can check in any time you want, but you can never leave.

11 comments:

  1. 'We are programmed to receive'! There seems to be a need in us to know what others are doing and how they are living and it is very bizarre come to think of it. Your blog comes across as being very real and in my humble opinion is wonderful! Your online persona is great and is a part of you. Don't we all have a few sides to us even in actual life? Always so intelligent and minus the fluff- except when your kitties feature!! It is the first blog I have ever posted a comment on which is nerve wrecking - I don't know how you guys do it - but I just feel so compelled to do so. You just put such thoughts out there! So thank you for making such interesting reading and sharing your ideas ☺

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Susan. I agree that there are several sides to us in real life, too - some of us have separate work-related personalities, others behave very differently when they are with friends vs to when they are with strangers. I also agree that we seem to be almost programmed to be curious about other people's lives, and of course blogs really feed into that in-built curiosity.

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  2. <3 <3 <3... Sellasta mä vaan.

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  3. I remember a post of yours from a couple months back (I think) where you mentioned a few frustrations about country living. I appreciated your candor and shedding some light on the broader picture behind all those gleaming countryside landscapes and content kitties on the heating oven. Having lived in a remote location myself in the past, I know how tough it can be.

    Of the relatively few things I choose to share online these days, I am always thinking about the balance between being authentic and editing myself enough to be remotely interesting. My solution (albeit possibly a poor one) is to just share basically nothing. I fear becoming just part of the teeming mass of the social network sharing the same trending articles and photos of cappuccinos, and I also fear being exposed and vulnerable. I do find myself feeling compelled to share some things on a deeper level online, but something is holding me back. I don't want to be considered less real just because I don't have much of an online persona (no instagram, no Twitter, not even a smart phone). But I don't see you as part of the teeming mass. You are somehow staying outside of the din and consistently creating content I find relatable, enjoyable, and honest. Maybe you don't see it always, but your blog really is unique and I am glad you share it with us.

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    1. Thank you, Robin, for such kind words. It means a lot. I, too, struggle with fear of exposure, and I'm sure that many other bloggers do, too. I can't even imagine what it must be like to have tens of thousands of readers, to have anonymous mean commentators... I remember the first time when I received a very nice comment from a reader (this was perhaps two years into No Signposts) who mentioned that they had seen me at a flea market and had thought about coming to say hi. As nice as the comment was, yikes, it really scared me. I hadn't fully realized at that point that my readers/commentators are actually, you know, real people. I don't know how popular bloggers cope. Maybe that's in large part why so many blogs seem to lack personality. It's perhaps out of self-preservation, because there is a lot of hate out there, a lot of people who might take advantage of someone who shares. What amazes me though, are the types of people who share absolutely everything on Facebook or Instagram, starting from their illnesses, their financial concerns, their alcohol intake... that type of sharing seems just so, so very bizarre to me.

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  4. It's hard because I feel like people don't like to read downer stuff unless it's well-written and they're in the mood - and it's not what I have a blog for overall. (I think, anyway...) It's a tricky mix between sharing everything and sharing a limited amount but paining an accurate picture of all facets of us. The latter is really just impossible.

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    1. *painting! But paining is also an accurate description! Haha

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    2. Very true, it's tough to find a balance. A lot of people read blogs just to feel happy, or to see something pretty, and that should be okay. I guess the best we can do is to work out our own balance and hope that whatever we are trying to say is being transmitted to the reader.

      Hee-hee, paining. :D

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  5. I am so pleased to have found your blog, and particularly this post. I too am beginning to wonder about the nature of the online persona and where those of us who have one via a blog but don't endlessly self promote on sites like Instagram and Twitter stand. I also recently wrote about the difference between living in the unrecorded moment and pausing to photograph it. Your words are thought provoking, thank you :)

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  6. So many thoughts. As always you articulate a lot of concerns that have been spinning around in my head for a while too. I've had a blog for ages but I have written entries, what, 3 times? There has to be a passionate inspiration for me to tear myself open like that, and very little means so much to me that it MUST be said, I guess. Certainly it helps that my real name is nowhere on my blog. Seriously, my Facebook is even under a pseudonym! Thing is, I wouldn't want anything but a genuine and personal blog. In the end, tongue-tied, I photograph what I feel and Instagram it instead. (I find Instagram a fascinating concept actually--a blog told in pictures, vignettes, more visual than verbal. Words tend to riot in my brain and though I can write well, a painful degree of focus is required to pull out lucid threads of prose. The language of images, ahhh, so much easier...)

    But I think that you have really mastered the delicate art of being yourself, being honest and personal, without revealing so much that it's no longer comfortable. Thus, I could tell that you miss the city; but what artistic, sensitive soul wouldn't also appreciate the beauty and peace to be found in the countryside? So of course that comes through in your blog too.

    One of the best sayings I've ever heard is "bloom where you're planted", and I hope you feel that you are. :-) I will say that I was so glad to see you were blogging again, because I missed your thoughts and your "voice". You're such an interesting and thoughtful person, so thank you for everything you write!

    A few other bloggers I follow also manage the balancing act well--Marianne of Esme and the Laneway, for example. She's gone through some huge and undoubtedly painful transitions in her life in the last year, but she's navigated communicating about them with dignity, humor, grace and just enough restraint. I don't know her at all and have no illusions about that, yet I like her and wish her well, and what she chooses to share of her life is compelling and interesting to me.

    Maybe blogs--both writing and reading them--make us all feel a little less alone in this huge old world? I don't know. (But I'm sure it's no coincidence that blogs like yours and Marianne's really don't seem to draw many haters...what you put out there does reflect what, and whom, you attract.) I also know that good blogs never depress me like Facebook can do. You know the people whose lives are always perfect, full of smiles and wow and adventures and...their endless "OMG my life is so great!! guess what cool thing I just did/won/achieved" posts can leave you feeling like your life absolutely sucks? (Yeah...I have a couple of those. I prefer the turbulent, oversharing drama queens, if I must choose one or the other, lol.)

    Lastly, I was so amused by your comment about photos of food, because I am one of THOSE people! But, well....I just love my food, you know? Yum! I've never had Finnish food, I don't think...hmmm, perhaps there are some relevant pics on Instagram? ;-D

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